i want so badly to be able to trust people but in the end i really can't. Some people, the ones i know well or love those i know i can trust. I like to put so much faith into people i just meet, or am getting to know but in the end i always find it never a good idea. I learned a valuable lesson while in France; that people are shit. They worry about themselves in the end. So in the long run i learned to fend for myself and trust myself above all else. Is that why i'm still single? I'll just end up an old maid taking care of k8's kids. I'll be the crazy artist that lives down the street with 4 cats and a dusty old house filled with canvases. I just hope where ever life leads me i'll just be happy in the end. I want to be 40 and happy. Its been one of my biggest fears as of recently. I'm always asking myself if i'm happy. Right now i don't feel happy, i'm just content...god i've been content for most of my life. Sure i've had those happy moments here and there but how much of that stuck... I was much worse in high school, bet no one knew it right. Well lets just say i was a bit over shadowed so no one got that i wasn't feeling so well. But i look back at some of my journal entries and poetry and its depressing. College has been much much better to me. Plus i'm a LOT happier with work then i was, say 2 years ago. I use to hate working because i never fit in. No matter what i did it never happened. Take for instance this yr during Halloween at the village i fit right in. Heidi and i had a blast doing that program. Every weekend it was something fun and unexpected going on. There wasn't a day that went by that something memorable happened. Tell me what i can look forward to in November, something i hope.
1 comment:
sometimes you have to believe it to see it ( i said that right). tell yourself youre happy until you are. tell yourself you love your life until you do. youre only 20 something once. dont spend this time wishing for things you dont have. enjoy what you do have. :)
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